Things I’ve Learned From My Kids

Mad Barber

In honor of Mother’s Day, a little true life humor for mothers everywhere.

  • Money can burn a hole in your pocket. Add a 9 volt battery to a pocket full of pennies.
  • Bread twist ties will conduct electricity, esp. when you put directly into wall plug. Blackens fingers too. Caution, loud pop may be heard and parents will investigate.
  • Your little sister’s dolls attached to ceiling fan, doesn’t usually break any windows when they fly off.
  • Jumping off the roof into the back of a pickup truck makes for a hard landing, better to hit the softer ground.
  • Riding your bike into a UPS truck can cause you to lose 3 years of memory.
  • Riding your bike too close to your sibling during a race can cause the handle bars to lock up and result in a very bad case of road rash.
  • Miscalculating the size of a hole when jumping over on your bike has been known to crack bike helmets, even the frame of your bike.
  • Taking the brakes off your skates and speeding down a steep hill can cause you to do a flip when you hit the divider in the middle of the road down below, landing you in a driveway, and creating more road rash.
  • Jumping in front of a log rolling down hill, can cause the log to knock you down and roll over you.
  • No such thing as a child safe home. Toddlers will gladly open child proof medicines and cabinets for you.
  • A toddler can dismantle their crib, removing all the bars.
  • Car cigarette lighters can burn your fingers if you heat them up and put your finger in it. Then you have the dilemma, “If I tell Mom I burnt my finger, she’ll know I played with the lighter which was off limits, but it hurts so bad.”
  • Standing under a tree throwing bricks up to knock down your ball usually ends with a trip to the emergency room.
  • Tripping down the steps at the hospital on the way home can land you back in the emergency room.
  • So can fainting.
  • You can play in a mud puddle without getting your clothes dirty by taking them off.
  • Rocking chairs are not the most stable thing to climb on to reach that computer your parents put on the tall shelf. One more way to get back to that emergency room.
  • Your sister’s hair elastics with the balls on the end make great sling shots. Care is needed when you bite one ball and pull elastic with hand. If your hand lets go before your teeth, it backfires, chipping tooth.
  • You can also break teeth playing gutterball in the pool, best not to do this Friday afternoons, dentists are hard to find.
  • If you sneak out of the house for a trip to the store while your big brothers are busy playing computer games, picking out some candy bars, saying “I’m hungry! I don’t have any money. I don’t know where my mom is!” does not get you candy bars, but a ride home in police car.
  • Some girls will do anything for chocolate, including a preschooler grabbing a container of chocolate frosting, locking herself in a room, hiding under the computer desk, taking screwdrivers with her so no one can unlock the door before chocolate is consumed.

13 thoughts on “Things I’ve Learned From My Kids

  1. I LOVE your observations and commentary on what your kids can teach you. A very happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there and a very special one to you!

  2. lol, how funny! I enjoyed reading about your family escapades!

  3. “Standing under a tree throwing bricks up to knock down your ball usually ends with a trip to the emergency room”
    – Heidi, I refuse to believe you gave birth to a child that would be dumb enough to do this!

    Some girls will do anything for chocolate, including a preschooler grabbing a container of chocolate frosting, locking herself in a room, hiding under the computer desk, taking screwdrivers with her so no one can unlock the door before chocolate is consumed.”
    – Now, this is not only a smart little offspring, this is a child who thinks ahead! Yup, this one I believe is yours!

    LOL, great, great post – if all these things happened in your family you deserve a Mother’s Day to beat all Mother’s Days!!!!!

  4. Also a tiny chameleon doubles as a great clip-on earring…

    And chickens are not as nice as you might think they are, but they make excellent enchiladas!

  5. Thanks!

    The one who got hit with the brick was a neighbor boy, very accident prone, of course mine where throwing sticks and bricks up too. Common sense doesn’t always kick in when boys at play, they were very focused on getting that ball back down, whatever it took.

    Yes, Jessica, your brother’s chameleon made a great earring, and those roosters were not your friends. You had great statisfaction out of eating the enchiladas.

    And when shaving your head by yourself, scary thing, it really is better to cut the long stuff off first instead of using shaving cream over your whole head.

  6. Ahhhhh! I had to stop reading about halfway through! Welcome to my world with two young boys.

    Are question is always…should we say something? or will they learn more from the broken bone (stiches…insert issue here_____________) and the trip to emergency?

    Thanks for sharing! I will read the remainder of this post when I am 80 years old;)

    Just kidding!
    Susan

  7. oops… should read “our question..” and stitches:)

  8. Learning from your children is “priceless”

  9. Tim had fun reading through this and saying “Oh, that was me….Nope, that was Doug!….Ooops, that one was me too…..Yup, definitely me!….Haha, that was Nicki!…..Haha, that was also Nicki!” (At which point I said “no, that was Lauren!”)
    I can’t wait to have this many stories to tell!

    Not a good idea to use little portable tables to pull up on. They fall over on top of you and leave holes in your forehead.

    Huh, Jack’s not really very accident prone. But he’s still got time, he’s only two!

  10. I’m still learning from my kids, but since they are all grown up…it’s good, safe stuff now. LOL Thanks for sharing.

  11. I loved reading about all that you’ve learned from your children. It reminded me of my own child’s escapades! Guess what, you’ve been TAGGED! I hope you have some time to find some friends to tag, for details go to The Adventures of Traveling Bob (http://travelswithbob.blogspot.com/)

    Have a happy week!! Melodieann

  12. Susan – I’d prefer them not to learn the hard way, easier on me. We were very fortunate, only two cases of broken bones. One broke his arm, not when hit up UPS truck, bike a pretzel, concussion. but when rolled off the couch unto the rug he broke his arm?!!! Go figure. Bike helmets are a good thing.

    Beverly – priceless they are!

    Miranda – Yep several of those where Tim, and he still runs around on various wheels from bikes, rollerblades, strange looking skateboard thingies to making a train out of chairs at Sams.

    Pam – Mine teach me good things too such as how to use a ftp program, use various programs, etc. I bet your kids are wonderful.

    Melodian – You caught me!

    Karen – Glad you stopped by for a chuckle.

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